dear santa


I know you don’t get many letters after Christmas, but I figured I might as well send this now before I forget. This should also give you some extra time to prepare for next Christmas according to the following demands, er, I mean, suggestions.

Toys need to come with batteries. I mean, seriously, do you get kickbacks from the battery companies? I’m pretty sure we spent more on batteries this year than actual toys. At least give us that first set to get started, and if we’ve been REALLY good, maybe a lifetime supply.

When we came out Christmas morning, all of the stockings were on the floor because they were too heavy to hang on the hooks after being filled with all of the goodies you brought. All of the stockings but mine, that is. What’s up with that? I’m pretty sure I was really good last year. I think I only ignored my kids a few times and I served them vegetables at least twice. I’d appreciate a little more consideration next year.

My kids just love their new toys. But wouldn’t you know that the first thing they wanted to do when they came out to our living room was eat the cookies you left on the plate? We were nice enough to bake and decorate the cookies for you, and you didn’t even finish them? It’s not like you’re trying to maintain a slim figure or anything. It would be great if next year my kids were more excited about the toys we (“you”) spent too much money on instead of being distracted by leftover baked goods.

It’s really nice of you to bring such great presents to our kids, but this “some assembly required” stuff is a little annoying. Don’t you have elves for that? We don’t mind helping out a little, but spending 3 hours on Christmas Eve putting together a giant fire truck, only to find we’re missing that one crucial piece doesn’t put us in a very cheerful mood. Neither do those insanely loud sound effects. It’s called a volume control. Please add them to anything you drop off at our house in the future.



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